Dodged A Bullet

So today I’m at work ya know, working. Headphones on. Can we talk about how great headphones are for a second? I wear either over the ear headphones or earbuds almost all the time.  They are like my defense mechanism against the world. I find that people are less likely to approach me with boring, inconsequential small talk if I am wearing them and it looks like I’m concentrating on something. Truth is, Half the time they aren’t even plugged in and if they are there is no music playing.  Cool trick. Try it sometime. Anyway, back to my story.

I’ll just start over… So I’m at work in my office minding my business which, depends on the time of day, means I’m on Instagram or twitter hunting for memes. So during my ‘research’ my supervisor’s supervisor comes to the door and tells me that since my supervisor is out today that I need to present last quarter’s stats and the this quarter’s projections at the meeting. The meeting was within the hour! I played it cool, didn’t want him to know I was shook and said “Okay, sure. I have all the stats here anyway, we worked on them last week.  See you in an hour”.  He gives me 2 thumbs up, don’t ask why because I don’t know why people still do that, turns and walks back to his office or wherever he came from.

Now, on the outside I made it seem like I was all good and ready but on the inside I was panicking and wanted to crawl under my desk and hide for the rest of the day.  This wasn’t from a lack of knowledge. I know the stats back and forth but having to present them to not only the staff but also strangers terrifies me.  Not to mention I had on my custom ‘Kanye in the sunken place’ shirt that my play sis made for me. Not really appropriate to run a meeting in, especially when that meeting is about 70% older white people. They probably wouldn’t have gotten the reference anyway now that I think about it. Uggh. I worry too much.  So anyway, I’m sitting here stressing out for the next 45-50 minutes only for my supervisor’s supervisor to send me an instant message that the meeting was being rescheduled to next week. Phew ! *wipes forehead*

Speaking in public is always terrifying for me. I’m always afraid I will either say something I shouldn’t say or not say something that I should. Then I work myself into a frenzy and get all discombobulated.  The only way I can get over this setback is to picture myself as someone else. I know it sounds weird but let me explain. I wanted to be an actor when I was younger because it allowed me to play an outgoing person without having to be an outgoing person. Make sense? Okay so when I have to speak in public or large groups I turn on those acting skills I learned and I’m able to focus.

Focusing. That is something I struggle with so much. My mind is running at like 100 mph and I can’t slow it down. I’m always thinking of ideas and before I can even start working on that idea I’m off to working on the what the next idea will be. What can I say? I’m an ideas guy.  So that was an interesting part of my day. Had a slight panic/anxiety situation that I worked myself into a frenzy about for nothing.  How was your day?

2 Replies to “Dodged A Bullet”

  1. I can’t complain. Took a new dance class and shamed all Black people everywhere even though I was the only Black person in the room.

    I feed off that anxiety. It pushes me into being better than I was going to be. LOL! Good job.

    1. You didn’t set us back a few years did you? lol I’m trying to work up to the level where I can let the aniety fuel me instead of paralyze me. I’m taking baby steps but steps nonetheless.

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