This past weekend was my 20th year high school reunion. Of course I didn’t go. Why would you even ask me that? Have you not read the title of the blog? Acutally, I was out of town on a business trip but I probably wouldn’t have gone even if I wasnt on that trip. I just wasn’t prepared for the crowd of people, the questions, or the small talk. Mind you, I had plenty of time to prepare. I think they announced it and started arranging things maybe a year to a year and a half ago so really not having enough time to prepare is not an excuse. Basically, I just didn’t want to go. A part of me did but the biggest part of me didn’t.
After looking aka stalking some of the Facebook posts about the reunion I kind of regret not going. I mean, if anything it would have been a great time to network and talk to people that I know and feel comfortable around about my business. Opportunity missed. They had such a great time that they are thinking about getting together every two years. Yeah, I need to get this social anxiety shit under control because it would have been great seeing some of my old classmates. Even if I didn’t talk to them much.
I feel like, no take that back, I know that being an introvert is holding me back and hindering any progress that I could possibly make. I don’t drink or smoke so I can’t use that as a coping mechanism when out and about. I have to rely on myself and my own personality. This leads to me standing or sitting in the corner watching everyone else have a great time. Here’s the thing. I don’t really have a problem with crowds as long as I don’t have to be directly involved with anyone in the crowd. Make sense? Okay, let me explain. Here’s an example; I don’t have a problem going to a sporting event that will draw a large number of strangers, as long as I can sit in my seat, watch the game or whatever and not be bothered. Now the issue comes along when the people around me decide to be chummy and want to chat it up. That’s when the nerves kick in and I start to get a little anxious and/or nervous. I freak out, well not really, because I’m worried about my response. Did I say the right thing? Did I say the wrong thing? Did I respond to fast or too slow? Did what I say even make sense. Uggh.. I’ll just get up and leave before this person thinks I’m a total idiot. During the entire ride home I’m now regretting the whole decision to come out in the first place. So yeah, that’s how my mind works.
It’s hard outchea in these introvert streets, homie. It’s either pass or fail. Live or die. Ain’t no in-between. I don’t know why I typed that or what it means but I did so there’s that…
Anyway. If you have some suggestions on how you get over your social anxiety that you think could help me, pass them along. I’m trying to get myself prepared for 2018 now. Yep it’s September 2017 and I’m prepping myself for 2018. It takes just that long for me to get it together. See ya on the flip side.