Circle Of Trust

I think I’m a good guy. I mean I treat people fairly. I try and live by the golden rule, ya know the one about treating everyone the same way that you’d want to be treated. That one. So when I invite people into my inner sanctum and they violate that trust it hurts. I mean it cuts me deeply.  As fellow introverts, or if you’re not an introvert, you know how hard it is to open up to people and truly trust them to the point that you allow them into your inner circle. Sure, I have associates or counterparts but very few friends. If I consider you a friend or, even higher on the totem pole, framily then you have a duty and responsibility to take care and nurture this friendship. We must protect this house!

Last week I realized that I had an infiltrator hidden among the crew. A Judas if you will. No, I’m not saying I’m Jesus. I’m just using that as an example that I had someone that was close to me that betrayed me by bringing some unwarranted and unnecessary foolishness to my peaceful world. I was already having issues controlling my emotions and temper already so this kind of made things worse.

I don’t like to argue. At all. Especially if it is an opinion of something or someone. I feel like I will state my case, you state yours and at the end of the day we will more than likely agree to disagree and move on. You will understand why I feel a certain way and if you presented your points correctly, I will understand why you feel the way you do. We shake hands and go get some tea or something. The point is that we move on.

I had someone disrupt this by bringing a private conversation to the forefront. I don’t like to argue in a public forum. A wise man name Shawn Corey Carter once said, and I’m sure a wise man told this to him, “Don’t argue with fools. Cause people from a distance can’t tell who is who”. He also said “Don’t bark up that tree, that tree will fall on you. I don’t know why your advisers ain’t forewarn you. Please not Jay, he’s not for play”.  So, yeah. I don’t argue with people in public forums but if I have to please know your shit. I love to research. I read and google is my friend.

Anyway, this person decided to do just that. Once they realized that they could not win and knew that I wouldn’t debate them in the open, because well like I said before I’m not here for the back and forth, they felt like it was a good idea to bring the discussion to not only one but two different digital platforms. Yeah, they tried it. Thankfully I have friends and framily that know me and know how I roll and stepped in and set this person straight. I thank and love you guys for that.

This thing really hurt me y’all. I thought I could trust this person and that they were truly my friend. When someone betrays me it cuts me. Cuts me deep. I am not afraid to say it. I have emotions, we all do. Some just suppress them while others don’t. I had to step away from social media and really reflect and reevaluate who I consider to be a friend and why. Like I said, my circle is very small and I only allow certain people in. To have to go through and literally reexamine almost each and every one of my friends was and is disheartening. I shouldn’t have to do that. I shouldn’t be going through this, especially not right now. I’m too old to be out here making new friends all willy nilly so my circle will continue to decrease.

Now, during my hiatus of sorts. It was only a few days but it was long enough for me to reflect and realize that I’m better than this. I need to step out of my shell and stick up for myself. I am not an arguer. I was taught the fine art of debate. ya know point, counterpoint. Statement then rebuttal. I already know going into the conversation that I am not going to change your mind,  my goal is to help you understand why you are wrong and I am right. That’s it. I will never disrespect you, your like minded friends or your beliefs.  That’s just not how I was raised. I was raised to respect other people’s beliefs and opinions even if they differ from mine. I was taught to try and understand why they feel or believe what they believe and use my words to articulate to them why it is that I feel and believe what it is that I hold true. Words mean things. Yes, words matter. While how you say things weighs heavily, what you say is important as well. I’d say 60/40 how and what.

As an introvert, I often times shy away from confrontation. I do this for a few reasons;

1. I often find it pointless to yell and scream about an opinion. My mom told me a long long long time ago that opinions are like noses. Everyone has one some are just bigger than others. My opinion or thoughts are no more valid than yours and yours are no more valid than mine.

2. I give you facts. Facts are indisputable. So there is no need to argue. If there are 5 red balloons and I tell such as a fact than your argument of there being 3 and not five is invalid so therefore we have nothing else to discuss. it is a fact that there are 5 so any other argument is senseless. I don’t have time for senseless things or senseless people. Like I said earlier, Google is my homie. We tight.

3. I don’t like undue or due attention on myself. I don’t like other people involved in my business that have no reason to be in my business. If you want that type of attention or heat on you than go right ahead and argue with yourself because I’m not here for the shenanigans.

Damn, I feel like I’ve said enough. Bottom line, You never know who your true friends are until politics and/or race gets involved. I believe it was the great poet O’Shea Jackson, Sr that said “Check yo self before you wreck yo self cause I’m bad for your health”.

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