First, I have to say happy Mother’s day to All the Moms out there. Love and respect. Today is one of the 3 days every year that is really tough on me. I lost my mom at a young age and never really got over it. I don’t think you can ever ‘get over’ a loss though. I guess a better what to put it is that I haven’t been the same since.
I don’t know how to explain how I feel but I’ve been told that it’s good to write it out as a way to cope. So here I am. Writing out how I feel.
I miss my mother on most days. Especially certain days like Mother’s day, her birthday and the day she passed. These are those three days I mentioned earlier. I miss the good times. Yes, we had our fair share of bad times but the good outweighted the bad.
Social media makes it worse. I open up Instagram and all I see are these beautiful pictures of my Friends and their moms out and about or my Friends and their kids just enjoying life. How can I be mad at such a beautiful sight? I mean these pictures are lovely and they all put a smile on my face. Then the depressive thoughts creep in. Like, I wish my mom could be here now, or they are so lucky to have their mom around… I have to shake off these thoughts so I tend to do things to keep me busy and motivated.
As soon as people find out that my mother passed they have all types of solutions on how to deal with it. The fact is that everyone deals with grief and loss in different ways. Me? I just fold it up into a nice little square and stick in deep down into the bottom of my bag. This bag is getting a little full and eventually I’ll have to deal with it. Just not right now. Right now I just want to make it through the day without breaking down or undoing all the work I’ve done the past month to bring my mental state back to a reasonable state.
Anyway, happy Mother’s day to all the mothers. I’m off to do some yoga in the park and find something to eat.