I Think I’m Okay…

Hey. It’s been a while and I feel like I need to vent. So… Remember the job that I told you I got and that I was moving? Yeah… Well… It fell through. Partially due to their incompetence and partially due to the government shutdown. I’m super pissed and now I am on the look for something else.

Because of this I’ve been really depressed and just overall sad and self deprecating. I feel like I can’t win for losing. I’ve been in a kind of funk. I’m slowly coming out of it thanks to my friend that stuck with me and made me feel like I could go on even though I know I’ve been an ass and wasn’t being myself and kind at all. I need to do a better job of treating the people I love and adore like people that I love and adore. Just because I’m having a bad day doesn’t give me the right to ruin their day.

Some good news though. When I got my letter that my offer was rescinded I immediately started applying and I now have 2 offers pending shutdown ending and 3 interviews this week alone! I’m starting to get excited but at the same time I don’t want to get too excited and have the rug pulled from under me. I’m working on controlling my negative thoughts.

Meditation and mapping has really helped. Mapping is when you recognize your problem, like depression or anger, and either go backwards day by day to see when, how and why it started and come up with a solution or brainstorm it by identifying the problem, like depression or anger, and figuring out the symptoms of those specific problems. You will then see commonalities between the symptoms thus finding the root cause. Once you figure out the root cause you can work on solutions for them. My root cause for my anger, depression and self-esteem issues are money and unemployment. Actually moreso lack of a schedule. Workdays is just a routine that you do. I didn’t have a routine so that led to my mind wandering. I’ve learned that I have to stay busy. Now that I have a routine I actually feel better. We sat down and made a daily routine. Once I started following it my self-esteem has started to rise.

I’m working in myself so that I can be better for the people I love around me. Being an introvert makes it difficult for me to reach out to people when I feel bad or less than adequate.

One Reply to “I Think I’m Okay…”

  1. I love you my brother. You are a very strong person. Keep on with the great work you are doing. Continue to take it one day at a time

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