Almost Made It

Okay so this year I put in a mighty effort to fast from food this Ramadan. I tried. I really did. My body just wasn’t as strong as I thought it would be. I didn’t prepare well enough, I guess. I lasted for 16 out of the 31 days so that’s sort of a win. I think this is the longest I’ve gone so far before having to break. I normally cheat though and drink water or tea, but I tried to go without during fasting times for a few days towards the end before the break and it was too much for me. I became dizzy, I was having headaches and just not feeling great. And my blood sugar levels were way out of control. Ya see, I technically get a pass from abstaining from food because I’m a type 1 diabetic and need to eat. I can always fast in others ways. Fasting is just abstaining from something during those specified hours. It doesn’t have to be food. While many use food it can be anything. Similar to Lent.

So for the rest of Ramadan I’ll be abstaining from social media and the like. No Instagram posting, Facebook liking, though I’m rarely on Facebook noawadays anyway. I will only use social media to post my podcast links. Dassit.

I’m gone until June 15th after this. See ya soon!

Ramadan Mubarak

Ramadan Mubarak or happy Ramadan! This year I am going to try my hardest to adhere to Ramadan for the entire month. I’ve tried before, actually just about every year, and failed after the first few days. I think the longest is a week. This year Ramadan takes place from May 15th to June 13th, 2018.

I am a Muslim. I converted later in life but I’m not as devout as I used to be or even should be. I relate it now to catholism for some Catholics. Like, yes I am a Muslim but don’t ask me when was the last time I went to prayer and I love gummy bears. Okay so let me explain. Muslims don’t eat pork but gummy bears are made with gelatin and that has pork in it.

I need to get back on track so I plan to use this year’s Ramadan as a way to do it. Next year I plan to take a hajj aka pilgrimage to Mecca that Al able bodied Muslims are supposed to do at least once during their lifetime. We’ll see…

Anyway to my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters, I’d like to wish you Ramadan Mubarak and let me know if you are planning to take part in this year’s fast or nah?

Happy Mother’s Day

First, I have to say happy Mother’s day to All the Moms out there. Love and respect. Today is one of the 3 days every year that is really tough on me. I lost my mom at a young age and never really got over it. I don’t think you can ever ‘get over’ a loss though. I guess a better what to put it is that I haven’t been the same since.

I don’t know how to explain how I feel but I’ve been told that it’s good to write it out as a way to cope. So here I am. Writing out how I feel.

I miss my mother on most days. Especially certain days like Mother’s day, her birthday and the day she passed. These are those three days I mentioned earlier. I miss the good times. Yes, we had our fair share of bad times but the good outweighted the bad.

Social media makes it worse. I open up Instagram and all I see are these beautiful pictures of my Friends and their moms out and about or my Friends and their kids just enjoying life. How can I be mad at such a beautiful sight? I mean these pictures are lovely and they all put a smile on my face. Then the depressive thoughts creep in. Like, I wish my mom could be here now, or they are so lucky to have their mom around… I have to shake off these thoughts so I tend to do things to keep me busy and motivated.

As soon as people find out that my mother passed they have all types of solutions on how to deal with it. The fact is that everyone deals with grief and loss in different ways. Me? I just fold it up into a nice little square and stick in deep down into the bottom of my bag. This bag is getting a little full and eventually I’ll have to deal with it. Just not right now. Right now I just want to make it through the day without breaking down or undoing all the work I’ve done the past month to bring my mental state back to a reasonable state.

Anyway, happy Mother’s day to all the mothers. I’m off to do some yoga in the park and find something to eat.

Difficult Takes A Day Impossible Takes A Week

It’s the simple things in life that are often the hardest to master. Seems crazy, right? I mean the simplest things should be well… Simple. I mean, it hard things are considered to be hard because they are difficult or take some time, thought and energy to complete. While on the other hand, something is considered to be simple because it is easy or doesn’t take too much thought, time or energy to complete. Simple reasoning and logic right? Wrong. You see, people are wired differently. You may see something and interpret it one way and yet I can see the very same thing at the very same time and get a totally different perspective on it or the situation. This is what makes us unique and different.

What I’m getting at is that social media and other factors have somewhat taken away that free-thinking, different perspective having mentality that we once had. Now I can’t blame this all on social media. This has been happening way before the digital age. I believe it’s referred to as the mob mentality? Don’t quote me on that. Actually, hold on, let me google it right quick. Mobbbbbb Mennnn taaaaa llittty…. yep, its the mob mentality. According to Wikipedia; herd mentality and mob mentality, also lesser known as gang mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a largely emotional, rather than rational, basis. Remember the Salem witch trials? Mob mentality. Let’s take it all the way back. Remember Jesus and nem? Mob mentality.

It’s especially easier to whip up a frenzy en masse with this generation. Because of the internet and its ability to literally reach people worldwide, what you say does have power. For example, right now there is someone in Sweden or Japan or the Netherlands or Turkey or Cleveland or wherever you are right now that is listening to me as I drivel on and on about whatever it is that I’m talking about right now. My words have power. And so do yours. Use them wisely. Like my Man Uncle Ben told Peter Parker; with great power comes great responsibility. Coincidently Jesus told a certain Peter this same thing…Look it up. Luke chapter 12 verses 41 through 48. 48 in particular.

But anyway, back to the simple things. The simple thing for me that seems to be the hardest for me to do is meet new people. It is like so nerve racking for me to go to a complete stranger and be all like “hey, how are you? I’m Will. What’s your name? Do you want to be my friend?” Sounds and feels weird as hell. It’s crazy because I’m a grown ass man that can’t is afraid to simply say ‘hi’ to someone in the elevator. Shit’s scary, B.

All of these crazy scenarios play in my head like what if I sound like a wacko? Or what if they ignore me, then I’ll be stuck here staring awkwardly off into space trying not to make eye contact as this elevator slowly creeps it’s way to the 22nd floor. Or what if, God forbid, she’s a chatty Kathy and *gasp* by me saying hello I’ve just opened the floodgates and now she’ll talk me to death? Just stay quiet… So that’s what I do. Keep quiet and try not to make eye contact by playing with my phone, counting the ceiling or floor tiles. Anything.

Then I get off the elevator and more scenarios run through my head like “ why didn’t you say something when she smiled at you? What If she wasn’t some wacko chatty Kathy? *gasp* what if she was the one and you squandered your chance? Crap.

The point is that In life we don’t get many do-overs or second chances. You must seize the moment when it comes. That is what I aim to do. Seize the moment and live for the day. I hope this wasn’t too jumbled or discombobulated. I’m just trying to get the thoughts from my head to this page as quickly and seamlessly as possible. Not sure if it’s working or not though…

Yeezy Taught Me

Yesterday, well the past 2 days, I was in a funk. I needed to get out of it and quick. I can’t live like that. I was doing too well and feeling too good to revert back.

I had to shake this feeling so I turned to my favorite activity. Listening to music. Music gets me out of the bad place. Specifically Kanye. For some reason I feel a connection to his music and vibe. I understand him and he understands me.

People talk bad about Kanye and call him crazy but to me he’s just misunderstood. When I feel misunderstood I can listen to some Kanye and know that someone else gets it. If there’s nobody else that gets me, Kanye gets me.

Now that I think about it, I could be in a bad place because I missed my last 2 therapy appointments. The first one was on me and my poor scheduling but the last one was on him… I’ll get back right sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I think I just exerted too much energy this week and last week. Went to see Black Panther on last Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then I went to see my dad (in my head) Spike Lee’s School Daze on Monday. It’s all catching up to me now and I’m crashing. Too much extroverting.

Networking & Stuff…

So I decided to take that leap and head out to this networking event for other black bloggers/podcasters and the like. I was hella nervous because I was going alone and would be in a room full of strangers. Anxiety levels through.the.roof! Y’all know I talk myself out of doing anything that is remotely outside of my comfort zone but I went anyway. I gotta get out of my own way.

Y’all… I’m so glad I went! I had a chance to meet some great people and well ya know, network. I arrived like an hour late due to some other foolishness. Sometimes Netflix can be the devil. Anyway. When I first arrived and came up the stairs of the place I saw all these beautiful black people talking to each other and stuff. I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach they were big ass bald eagles flying around in there! I wanted to turn around and go back downstairs, out the door that I came in and head home but I couldn’t. See, I promised myself that I would step out more, I’m already here and if I left what story would I have to tell you? Nah. I’ll just stick it out.

After some initial awkward moments , I’m such a male version of Issa, I was able to get into the flow and met some really cool people and potential collaborators. I’m looking forward to the next Meetup and Working with the people I met this time.

This is my first major ‘stepping out’ event of the year. I was supposed to go last month but had another engagement. This actually gave me a little boost of confidence that I can actually do a meet and greet and not die.

YouTube Rabbit Hole

YouTube is the devil when you’re trying to get work done. I am trying to do this writing thing so I use google, instagram, youtube and occasionally facebook and twitter to research or comeuppance with stories. Great. They are a huge limitless source of information, right? My only problem is that with youtube I tend to fall down the ‘YouTube rabbit hole’ of sorts. thanks to the stupid little related/suggested videos on the right hand side I can start off watching a how-to video on some tech thing that should only take 5 minutes or so and end up 3 hours later watching ‘Knuck if you buck’ or some 90s R & B playlist. it’s horrible. Add in my ADHD and yeah, it’s really bad. I really love YouTube. I mean you can be educated and entertained at the same time but sometimes it can be a bit much.

I know you’re probably thinking ‘just google it and read an article instead of going to the video’. I’m the same way with searching on Google. All over the place! I’ll start off searching one place and end up someplace totally off topic. I gotta focus, my G. Maybe I’ll just go old school, go to the library and look through the encyclopedia and actual physical newspapers.

Write It Out – 1/23/18

So, we’re almost a month into the new year. Have you stuck to those ‘new year’s resolutions’? Me? Yep. So far so good. Well, I don’t really do resolutions in the traditional new year’s sense. I just set small attainable goals and build off of each win. Like the snowball effect. One small victory gives you the confidence to achieve another small victory and so on and so forth. Eventually you’re dealing with a great big snowball of victories that is careening down the hill of success. Yep. Straight like that.

One of my long term goals was to use social media less and read more. That’s going well. Once I stepped back from snapchat, facebook and IG and use them less often I’m actually learning things about myself. Things that I do and don’t like. Because of me and not because society tells me that I do or don’t like something. I still struggle with trying to keep my social media lurking to professional business only stalking. I have slipped up here and there but I don’t spend nearly as much time as I did this time last month. slow progress is still for sure progress, right?

This blog is taking on a new meaning for me. I started it as a travel blog. Can you believe it? yes, I started this as a travel blog. I wanted it to be a guide for what other introverts like myself can do in different cities and also chronicle what it’s like to travel alone. I still may do that. I don’t know. We’ll see. I will chronicle places I’m going and what I’m doing when I actually do go out. Similar to the Jay-Z 4:44 tour post that I did a while back. Link here –> Jay-Z 4:44 Tour Atlanta Stop

This is now a journal of sorts for me. My therapist says that it’s healthy for me to write down my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up inside. Good call. I tend to internalize everything until one day I boil over like a tea kettle. Tip me over and pour me out. Get it? I’m a little teapot… When I begin to shout… Tip me over and pour… Nevermind.

 

Rejuvenation Sunday – 1/21/18

Rejuvenation Sunday is almost over. Time for me, and us, to focus on the upcoming week. Got some big things popping and I’m gonna need all my praying for grandmothers out there to send a word up for me. I need my situation rectified. I want to tell y’all because y’all are my peoples and all but I can’t let the cat out of the bag just in case it falls through. Y’all not gonna be looking at me crazy like, remember that time to you told us such and such? Nah, not on my watch.

So, my first event of the year was supposed to be last Saturday but I wasn’t able to make it. I know I know. But there will be another event on February 24th or something like that. This time I will be in the building. I really wanted to go to this last event. It would have been a great way to network and learn but alas. Life. Sigh.

I plan to interact more and that starts with writing more. So like I said before, to keep updated you gotta subscribe. Basically, dassit. I’m done for today. Pretty simple easy relaxing and rejuvenating day. Just what the doctor ordered.

We Closed

This weather is crazy. I mean, one day it’s 60° or 65°. The next day it’s snowing. Atlanta doesn’t know what to do. Do we close or stay open? At least they erred on the side of caution and closed the city. Remember my last post when I was upset because they closed my office for some freezing rain that never even happened? Well, this time it actually snowed and had below freezing temperatures and they had delayed opening/arrival! Yeah, we’re backwards as hell here in Atlanta. I didn’t go to work simply because my mama ain’t raise no fool. I spent a little time in the north so I’m a bit familiar with snow and I’ve spent some time in the South so I’m familiar with black ice. To me, black ice is worse simply because you don’t see it until your ass is either flat on your back or your car is sliding off the road and into a ditch. Word of advice. Stay your non driving ass off the road if you are not used to driving in this kind of weather. Makes sense, right? You know everybody doesn’t have common sense, right?

So my goal to read is still in full effect. I’m still weaning myself off of social media except for business or learning purposes. This is tough y’all when I say I was addicted. I was ‘Eddie Cain, Jr’ or ‘Pookie from New Jack city’ addicted. It just keeps calling me…

My goal is to write and publish at least 20 posts per month. Basically broken down to one post Monday – Friday. I thin it’s doable… I mean maybe? I’ll give it a try. Even if I don’t reach 20 I’ll still post more than normal. So you guys will get a bigger peek into my life whether you like it or not! So go on and subscribe so you can be kept up to date on my posts. Don’t want you to miss something and then not understand the next post.