Hey…

Yep, I’m still here. I’ve been gone for awhile dealing with this craziness called life.

I let life get the best of me and found myself in a bad place. I needed to step back and reassess some things. Thankfully my tribe and framily recognized the change in me and quickly contacted me and basically said, in the most lovingly way that they can, get your shit together because we care about and love ya!

So I’m getting my shit together. Y’all already know about me seeing my therapist for anxiety but it just wasn’t enough. Depression crept in and started messing with things. Moving around emotions and putting stuff in places that they don’t belong like they live here. Nah, depression. That ain’t how this works. You can’t just come up in my space and change stuff without asking first. Nah, bruh. Go on somewhere with all that.

I’m trying something new and hopefully this will work. I should see results in 6-8 weeks… We’ll see. In the meantime in-between time. I’m meditating send back to exercising oh and writing.

So just a quick update; I’m back, on some new meds for depression and trying to live my life to the fullest.

Okay, bye.

Yeezy Taught Me

Yesterday, well the past 2 days, I was in a funk. I needed to get out of it and quick. I can’t live like that. I was doing too well and feeling too good to revert back.

I had to shake this feeling so I turned to my favorite activity. Listening to music. Music gets me out of the bad place. Specifically Kanye. For some reason I feel a connection to his music and vibe. I understand him and he understands me.

People talk bad about Kanye and call him crazy but to me he’s just misunderstood. When I feel misunderstood I can listen to some Kanye and know that someone else gets it. If there’s nobody else that gets me, Kanye gets me.

Now that I think about it, I could be in a bad place because I missed my last 2 therapy appointments. The first one was on me and my poor scheduling but the last one was on him… I’ll get back right sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I think I just exerted too much energy this week and last week. Went to see Black Panther on last Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then I went to see my dad (in my head) Spike Lee’s School Daze on Monday. It’s all catching up to me now and I’m crashing. Too much extroverting.

Just Win The Day…

Sigh… I have to repeat this to myself everyday. Just win the day. Not the week or month. Just the day. Sometimes the hour…

Dealing with anxiety and depression is a daily struggle. Some days are better than others but everyday is a struggle. It’s especially hard when the people around you don’t really understand what’s going on or even how to deal with it. Struggle. Being around young extroverted frat boys all day is exhausting and draining as hell. I did say I wanted to step out and be more engaging. So I guess that’s what I need to do… It’s just difficult when you feel like nobody understands you but you.

I was feeling so good, y’all. I was on a high. I went out like twice this month already and had a great time. Then today it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just felt like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I’ve just been in a bad, depressive mood all day. I’m sure it’ll wash over.

Sigh. Gotta remember to just win the day…

Welcome To Wakanda: My Black Panther Experience

So I decided to take a trip. I grabbed my passport and headed out. Where am I going? Why Wakanda, of course! Yep, I went to visit family on Thursday, Saturday and again on Sunday. It felt so great to connect after all these years. Okay, for those of you that have no clue as to what I’m talking about I went to see the new Marvel movie Black Panther!

Quick heads up. This is not a think piece on the film itself, the Marvel Comic Universe, or any other topics that may have been touched on, like the Africans vs African Americans things etc, that have been touched on by the numerous other talking heads out there. If you want to read that then I implore you to go to our friend google and let her search. I’m sure you’ll find that and then some. I’m not here for alladat! At least not today. I’m just here to give my opinion on the film and stuff.

So as part of my ‘stepping up and stepping out’ this year I went to see the new Marvel movie Black Panther. Who am I kidding and why am I trying BS y’all? I was going to go see this regardless! And numerous times at that! I’ve been a fan of T’Challa ‘nem and have read the comics off and on since I was a kid. I was super excited about the possibility of a full length movie for some years now.

Anyway, I went to see it and was blown away! The acting was superb and well really excellent considering this is a super hero movie. Let’s be real, super hero movies tend to lack ummm… depth in the acting department. It’s mostly about the action with the dialogue typically taking second to push the story along and the acting taking last place. Who cares if they can act if there are explosions and big fight scenes, right? I do, but of course I’m probably in the minority.

Let’s talk about the fight scenes. I love that it was mostly all hand to hand combat. None of that throwing a grenade from a plane and flying off with the explosion happening a million feet behind while I safely drink a glass of something. Nope. This was in your face, I can feel and smell what you had for lunch type combat and I loved it! In 3D it was even better. Of course there were some scenes with guns but the hand to hand combat scenes were some of the best I’ve seen in a really long time. I’m talking the last time I saw some Jackie Chan or Jet Li movie type level here. No exaggeration.

The mix of traditional/cultural reference with modern/current day technology was prevalent throughout the film. I love that aspect. Mixing the old with the new for a nice little mash up. The ceremony to proclaim T’Challa as the new king was a great way of showcasing this mesh.

Now, let’s talk about some of the characters that did the damn thing:

Chadwick Boseman – T’Challa/Black Panther – Represented South Carolina to the fullest! If you aren’t familiar with him than you probably haven’t seen a biographical movie about a prominent black figure in the last few years. He’s played them all! Jackie Robinson to James Brown to Thurgood Marshall and now Black Panther! That boy good *Clarence from Coming to America Voice*

Michael B. Jordan – Erik Stevens/N’Jadaka/Killmonger – Okay so He’ll always be Wallace from The Wire to me. He killed it as well. I actually kind of felt bad for his character because what he was saying and wanting to do as far as liberating and helping African Americans with their fight against their oppressors and getting to a better place in life is commendable but his actions of doing it were wrong. In my opinion. He was a villain that you could root for.

Winston Duke – M’Baku – This man stole every scene he was in, effortlessly! Now every woman is fighting over him in real life.

Danai Gurira – Okoye – Badass!

Lupita Nyong’o – Nakia – I think Lupita is such a great actress and she was the perfect choice for this role.

Letitia Wright – Shuri – Smart, witty, powerful with a touch of that teenage angst. The future of Wakanda.

And of course Forrest Whitaker, Angela Bassett and Sterling K Brown did their thing as well. Taking nothing away from them but this is getting a little long. So much black star power!

Okay, so about the movie. Honestly, it was a typical Marvel superhero movie on the surface. It hit all the Marvel points or moments so that it ties into the franchise and leads you to the next film. Great job on that. What made this different, or at least for me, was that I felt a more personal connection to the characters. Could be that the cast was predominantly black so I saw myself on the screen in a a positive light. Could be that the director was young and black. I don’t know but this movie resinated with me and hit me in a way that no other Marvel movie has done before.

One thing I would like to point out. Sure, we’ve had other black superhero movies before and this isn’t even the first black Marvel superhero (Blade) but what this movie does is that it comes along in a time when we need to see a young black superhero. We need to be able to look on the screen and see something that black kids and even adults can aspire to be. No, I don’t have a flower that can give me the strength of a panther or live in a place with vibranium and all sorts of other technology that is far superior than the rest of the world. What I can do is be a beacon of hope and inspiration like T’Challa was for his people. Show mercy even to those that try to destroy me, aka let my haters be my motivators, and also embrace change.

The dialogue in this movie will hopefully open up discussions in our own communities and families. I know I said I wasn’t going to make this into a think piece but the tension between Africans and African Americans is a real thing. Not in all but enough for it to be brought to the forefront. If you don’t feel it’s that way, you can also see it as tension between the black haves vs the black have nots. I’ll save that rant for another day though. Either way it has to stop. We can’t go forward together if we just keep pushing each other back or apart. Divide and conquer is the game and we are losing badly.

If you haven’t seen Black Panther yet what are you waiting for?

Wake Up! I went to See School Daze

So I did another thing. This time I went to see the 30th anniversary screening of School Daze at the fox theater tonight and met none other than my dad (in my head) Mr. Spike Lee! Yep. That happened.

It was such a great event! The first thing he said before the movie started was that if you’ve never seen the film before than you were “shit out of luck” and he wanted us singing along with the wannabes and jiggaboos, reciting the dialogue and dancing to “The Butt”!! So when my dad tells me to do something, I do it!

It was great being out and trying to be amongst other people without feeling weird about it. I was able to secure an aisle seat that gave me optimal viewing but still if I needed to dash out I could. I didn’t. I stayed for the entire thing and got to me the man, the myth, the legend that is Spike Lee.

I would say I’m on a roll with this “stepping up and stepping out” thing. What will be my next adventure? Hmm…

Oh, and by the way; It takes a real man to be a Gamma man ’cause only a Gamma man is a real man. G Phi G!

Networking & Stuff…

So I decided to take that leap and head out to this networking event for other black bloggers/podcasters and the like. I was hella nervous because I was going alone and would be in a room full of strangers. Anxiety levels through.the.roof! Y’all know I talk myself out of doing anything that is remotely outside of my comfort zone but I went anyway. I gotta get out of my own way.

Y’all… I’m so glad I went! I had a chance to meet some great people and well ya know, network. I arrived like an hour late due to some other foolishness. Sometimes Netflix can be the devil. Anyway. When I first arrived and came up the stairs of the place I saw all these beautiful black people talking to each other and stuff. I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach they were big ass bald eagles flying around in there! I wanted to turn around and go back downstairs, out the door that I came in and head home but I couldn’t. See, I promised myself that I would step out more, I’m already here and if I left what story would I have to tell you? Nah. I’ll just stick it out.

After some initial awkward moments , I’m such a male version of Issa, I was able to get into the flow and met some really cool people and potential collaborators. I’m looking forward to the next Meetup and Working with the people I met this time.

This is my first major ‘stepping out’ event of the year. I was supposed to go last month but had another engagement. This actually gave me a little boost of confidence that I can actually do a meet and greet and not die.

Singles Awareness Day

Yep. it’s that time of year, again. Time for those that are boo’d or bae’d up to show the world that they are in a relationship. You know the big stuffed teddy bears, flowers, candy and such being delivered to the office/workplace. This is the time when you realize just how single you are aka’ ‘Singles Awareness Day’.

This is the day you embrace your aloneness. Not loneliness but your aloneness. There is a difference. A huge difference. Alone is not being with another person or by yourself while loneliness is not being with someone and pining to be with someone… Yep, pining. Again I was raised in the South and that’s what we say. If you’re not from the south or don’t understand just use your context clues, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

Anyway. Today is the day to recognize and love yourself. In the words of my homie, Robert Dwayne Womack, If you think you’re lonely now, huh wait until tonight girl. I’ll be long gone and you’ll find another man that’ll treat you right.

I tend to stay off of social media during this time. All the posts and pictures… Just yuck. As you can tell I’m not here for it. Call me a cynic or whatever what have you but love just ain’t my thing. A lot of things just ain’t me but I’m working on it. Slowly but surely I’ll come around. Or not.

My Calendar Of Events

So in my attempt to get out more I have a few events planned. I have a networking event for other black bloggers scheduled for 2/17 and I also bought tickets to see the screening of School Daze on 2/19 at the Fox Theatre. Yeah Spike Lee is a role model to me (and my play dad in my head since we also look remarkably alike) and I’ve seen everything he’s done. I hope he will be at the screening but I’m going nonetheless.

Then there’s Black Panther. I’m going to see it three times! yes, you read that correctly. Three times! I’m going opening night Thursday, then back on Saturday and again on Sunday in 3D!. why am I seeing it 3 times? Well first, to Support the movie. the second reason is because the first time I’m going to see it with ‘my people’ and I already know it’s gonna be loud and crazy and I won’t hear a damn thing. So Thursday is just for show and numbers. The second time I see it Saturday with be in a ‘less urban’ area out in the suburbs where I live. This time I can actually focus on the movie and what is going on. The third is because, well 3D!

So this week is going to be busy! Oh, yeah. I also start my new job tomorrow… Hopefully, I’ll be able to write a quick review about the movie. If not trust me, it was awesome!!

Moving On

Today is the last day at my current job. Yep. It’s time for me to move on to bigger and hopefully better things. It’s kind of a bittersweet moment. While starting over can be a pain I’m not averse to it. I’m fine with starting over from scratch if things aren’t working. I’m leaving because this new job is a better position for me and that’s cool but mainly because I feel that I’m not being appreciated for all that I do.

I have never been the type to only do things for the applause or accolades but, damn a thank you for your hard work or for going above and beyond every now and again can’t hurt. Respect my time and what I bring to the table.

When I put in my resignation that’s when they want to ask what they can do to keep me and that they’re going to miss me blah blah blah. Save all of that for the next person. I’m done. I really do hate to walk away from this situation as is but I gotta do what’s best for me. This new position is with a company that seems to be a better fit for me. While I’m still an introvert and this company is uber extroverted I think I can find my niche or compromise a bit. I mean I have decided to be more open this year, right? We’ll see…

YouTube Rabbit Hole

YouTube is the devil when you’re trying to get work done. I am trying to do this writing thing so I use google, instagram, youtube and occasionally facebook and twitter to research or comeuppance with stories. Great. They are a huge limitless source of information, right? My only problem is that with youtube I tend to fall down the ‘YouTube rabbit hole’ of sorts. thanks to the stupid little related/suggested videos on the right hand side I can start off watching a how-to video on some tech thing that should only take 5 minutes or so and end up 3 hours later watching ‘Knuck if you buck’ or some 90s R & B playlist. it’s horrible. Add in my ADHD and yeah, it’s really bad. I really love YouTube. I mean you can be educated and entertained at the same time but sometimes it can be a bit much.

I know you’re probably thinking ‘just google it and read an article instead of going to the video’. I’m the same way with searching on Google. All over the place! I’ll start off searching one place and end up someplace totally off topic. I gotta focus, my G. Maybe I’ll just go old school, go to the library and look through the encyclopedia and actual physical newspapers.