When You Can’t Speak

One of the effects of depression is that it can mute your ability to speak or reach out for help verbally.

Did you know that you can chat with a mental health professional instead?
suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat can assist you when you can’t or don’t want to speak to someone.

You can also message them via Twitter or Instagram at the handle @800273talk

Check On Your People…

Mental health wellness and awareness is so important. In the black community people tend to either ignore the signs or look down on someone that is having suicidal thoughts or mental issues. This causes them to not want to open up about it out of fear of being ostricized. This needs to change. #SilenceTheShame

In the past I have had suicidal thoughts but was blessed to have people to turn to for help. Everyone isn’t as lucky. If you feel like you can’t talk to your friends or family you can always contact 1-800-273-talk.

Please check on your people. Take notice of the signs of change in their behavior and reach out. A simple text of “hey, just checking in on you to see if you’re okay.” Goes a long way. Trust me. You tmental health matters.

Difficult Takes A Day Impossible Takes A Week

It’s the simple things in life that are often the hardest to master. Seems crazy, right? I mean the simplest things should be well… Simple. I mean, it hard things are considered to be hard because they are difficult or take some time, thought and energy to complete. While on the other hand, something is considered to be simple because it is easy or doesn’t take too much thought, time or energy to complete. Simple reasoning and logic right? Wrong. You see, people are wired differently. You may see something and interpret it one way and yet I can see the very same thing at the very same time and get a totally different perspective on it or the situation. This is what makes us unique and different.

What I’m getting at is that social media and other factors have somewhat taken away that free-thinking, different perspective having mentality that we once had. Now I can’t blame this all on social media. This has been happening way before the digital age. I believe it’s referred to as the mob mentality? Don’t quote me on that. Actually, hold on, let me google it right quick. Mobbbbbb Mennnn taaaaa llittty…. yep, its the mob mentality. According to Wikipedia; herd mentality and mob mentality, also lesser known as gang mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a largely emotional, rather than rational, basis. Remember the Salem witch trials? Mob mentality. Let’s take it all the way back. Remember Jesus and nem? Mob mentality.

It’s especially easier to whip up a frenzy en masse with this generation. Because of the internet and its ability to literally reach people worldwide, what you say does have power. For example, right now there is someone in Sweden or Japan or the Netherlands or Turkey or Cleveland or wherever you are right now that is listening to me as I drivel on and on about whatever it is that I’m talking about right now. My words have power. And so do yours. Use them wisely. Like my Man Uncle Ben told Peter Parker; with great power comes great responsibility. Coincidently Jesus told a certain Peter this same thing…Look it up. Luke chapter 12 verses 41 through 48. 48 in particular.

But anyway, back to the simple things. The simple thing for me that seems to be the hardest for me to do is meet new people. It is like so nerve racking for me to go to a complete stranger and be all like “hey, how are you? I’m Will. What’s your name? Do you want to be my friend?” Sounds and feels weird as hell. It’s crazy because I’m a grown ass man that can’t is afraid to simply say ‘hi’ to someone in the elevator. Shit’s scary, B.

All of these crazy scenarios play in my head like what if I sound like a wacko? Or what if they ignore me, then I’ll be stuck here staring awkwardly off into space trying not to make eye contact as this elevator slowly creeps it’s way to the 22nd floor. Or what if, God forbid, she’s a chatty Kathy and *gasp* by me saying hello I’ve just opened the floodgates and now she’ll talk me to death? Just stay quiet… So that’s what I do. Keep quiet and try not to make eye contact by playing with my phone, counting the ceiling or floor tiles. Anything.

Then I get off the elevator and more scenarios run through my head like “ why didn’t you say something when she smiled at you? What If she wasn’t some wacko chatty Kathy? *gasp* what if she was the one and you squandered your chance? Crap.

The point is that In life we don’t get many do-overs or second chances. You must seize the moment when it comes. That is what I aim to do. Seize the moment and live for the day. I hope this wasn’t too jumbled or discombobulated. I’m just trying to get the thoughts from my head to this page as quickly and seamlessly as possible. Not sure if it’s working or not though…


Yep, I’m still here. I’ve been gone for awhile dealing with this craziness called life.

I let life get the best of me and found myself in a bad place. I needed to step back and reassess some things. Thankfully my tribe and framily recognized the change in me and quickly contacted me and basically said, in the most lovingly way that they can, get your shit together because we care about and love ya!

So I’m getting my shit together. Y’all already know about me seeing my therapist for anxiety but it just wasn’t enough. Depression crept in and started messing with things. Moving around emotions and putting stuff in places that they don’t belong like they live here. Nah, depression. That ain’t how this works. You can’t just come up in my space and change stuff without asking first. Nah, bruh. Go on somewhere with all that.

I’m trying something new and hopefully this will work. I should see results in 6-8 weeks… We’ll see. In the meantime in-between time. I’m meditating send back to exercising oh and writing.

So just a quick update; I’m back, on some new meds for depression and trying to live my life to the fullest.

Okay, bye.

Yeezy Taught Me

Yesterday, well the past 2 days, I was in a funk. I needed to get out of it and quick. I can’t live like that. I was doing too well and feeling too good to revert back.

I had to shake this feeling so I turned to my favorite activity. Listening to music. Music gets me out of the bad place. Specifically Kanye. For some reason I feel a connection to his music and vibe. I understand him and he understands me.

People talk bad about Kanye and call him crazy but to me he’s just misunderstood. When I feel misunderstood I can listen to some Kanye and know that someone else gets it. If there’s nobody else that gets me, Kanye gets me.

Now that I think about it, I could be in a bad place because I missed my last 2 therapy appointments. The first one was on me and my poor scheduling but the last one was on him… I’ll get back right sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I think I just exerted too much energy this week and last week. Went to see Black Panther on last Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then I went to see my dad (in my head) Spike Lee’s School Daze on Monday. It’s all catching up to me now and I’m crashing. Too much extroverting.

Just Win The Day…

Sigh… I have to repeat this to myself everyday. Just win the day. Not the week or month. Just the day. Sometimes the hour…

Dealing with anxiety and depression is a daily struggle. Some days are better than others but everyday is a struggle. It’s especially hard when the people around you don’t really understand what’s going on or even how to deal with it. Struggle. Being around young extroverted frat boys all day is exhausting and draining as hell. I did say I wanted to step out and be more engaging. So I guess that’s what I need to do… It’s just difficult when you feel like nobody understands you but you.

I was feeling so good, y’all. I was on a high. I went out like twice this month already and had a great time. Then today it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just felt like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I’ve just been in a bad, depressive mood all day. I’m sure it’ll wash over.

Sigh. Gotta remember to just win the day…

Black Excellence; Doing It For What Culture?

I see it all the time. Hell I use it all the time. I use it to describe anything that my people are doing that is great. I have noticed that this hashtag and term has been thrown around on social media only to describe things like lavish trips out of the country, getting a degree or being successful in business. While these things are all fine and good and I applaud you for the accomplishments they should not be the only definition of #blackexcellence. How about things like healthy relationships? Eating healthy and taking care of our bodies? More importantly taking care of our minds and mental health? Y’all know I struggle with mental health issues so anytime I have a good sane day in this bad insane world is #blackexcellence. Let’s stop limiting ourselves as to what the phrase means and how it coincides with our lives. Yes, at one point in time having things like an advanced degree, a passport and a good job to buy expensive material things was a sign of black excellence because for so long we have been denied access or thought of those as a ‘luxury’ only afforded to the rich I.e. whites. We must evolve past that state of mind. Mental health is still looked at as the plague in black society. The family unit is in disarray and our health is frankly ridiculously poor. Now that we know better we must do better.

Another one that kind of gets lost in translation is #doitfortheculture. I get it but doing it for what culture? Example; Marvel releasing the movie Black Panther is not doing it for the black culture. It’s doing it for the Marvel Franchise and the Marvel Culture. People really think that Marvel just created the Black Panther character in the last few years. Black Panther has been around forever! I remember reading the comic when I was a kid and I’m 38 so that’s at least 30 years worth of Black Panther. Same goes with Luke Cage. Shit ain’t new, Homie. A quick google search will tell you that the character has been around since 1966. Like for real people do your research. The release of black panther is not about doing it for the culture, well at least not specifically the black culture.

Sigh. We sure know how to ruin a good thing. Oh and for those folks that are on instagram talking about “I don’t do this for likes or comments. I do this for the culture”. Ummm… You’re doing it wrong. Instagram is built on likes and comments. That’s the whole point of it; to share your adventures or non adventures and people like and comment on them. It started out as a photo sharing app for people to see other people’s work and like or comment. It’s cool that you’re so deep and into whatever but if you’re not here for the likes and comments you are on the wrong platform, buddy. Take that shit over to facebook where no one really cares. Stop trying to make it more deep or ‘woke’ than what it is. Nobody’s really reading your stupid caption anyway. Keep it moving.

The ‘woke’ stuff needs to stop. Like for real. Most of you so called ‘woke’ folks need to take some melatonin and take a nap because, again you’re doing it wrong. It’s cool to inform people of the mistreatment or malign of a culture or group of people but also do your research before jumping to say something is racist, sexist, ageist or any other -ist you can think of. I don’t mean that we should or that I ignore blatant discrimination or mistreatment but before you jump on something to boycott or call them out how about we actually look at the whole situation. Was it really that way or did that person make you perceive it that way * cough Monique vs Netflix*? Sometimes people want to play the victim because that’s the only role they know how to play. What part did you play in the downfall or failure of the situation?

Failure To Properly Plan…

So yeah, about that title. See what had happened was… I got some new shoes. By the way, buying shoes always cheers me up. I just purchased some new shoes and I was so excited to put them through the paces at the gym today. I always pack my bag the night before so that I won’t be in a rush after work and can make sure that I have everything. Well, I didn’t plan properly. I went all the way to the gym and once I started getting dressed I realized that I didn’t have my left shoe… I know I know “Will, what about all that proper planning you talked about earlier”? Yeah, that obviously didn’t happen. So I had to go all the way home to get my other shoe. Uggh. Thankfully the gym is close. Yes, I did come back to workout. I wasn’t going to let my poor planning stop me from reaching my goals. Nope. Not happening.

Rejuvenation Sunday – 1/21/18

Rejuvenation Sunday is almost over. Time for me, and us, to focus on the upcoming week. Got some big things popping and I’m gonna need all my praying for grandmothers out there to send a word up for me. I need my situation rectified. I want to tell y’all because y’all are my peoples and all but I can’t let the cat out of the bag just in case it falls through. Y’all not gonna be looking at me crazy like, remember that time to you told us such and such? Nah, not on my watch.

So, my first event of the year was supposed to be last Saturday but I wasn’t able to make it. I know I know. But there will be another event on February 24th or something like that. This time I will be in the building. I really wanted to go to this last event. It would have been a great way to network and learn but alas. Life. Sigh.

I plan to interact more and that starts with writing more. So like I said before, to keep updated you gotta subscribe. Basically, dassit. I’m done for today. Pretty simple easy relaxing and rejuvenating day. Just what the doctor ordered.

My Very Bad Day

Y’all. This is already one of the worst days of 2018 for me. Hopefully this will be the worst and it’s all uphill from here. I’m only 8 days in and already having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day like my little homie Alexander.

So the day started off with me waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Literally. It’s been downhill ever since.  My alarm goes off and somehow I thought I hit snooze but well, y’all know how that goes. I thought I hit snooze but turned it off. I see I set my alarm for an earlier time because I needed or rather wanted, to be in the office earlier than normal because it was supposed to be freezing rain in the afternoon, If you know anything about driving or maneuvering around Atlanta than you know that even when it nice and sunny outside traffic is horrible. Let a little rain come down and it’s mayhem. I was trying to avoid this by coming in early and leaving early to avoid the rush. Well, I woke up 30 minutes after I had planned on being in the office. Fuck.

So I get myself together and finally make it to the office. When I get there the big bosses call a meeting of all the staff. We’re all huddled, it’s not that many of us in the office, in this kind of middle open space area. The boss starts talking about the weather and how corporate will likely call him to say that we can all go home. I’m thinking cool. I came to work late and get to go home early. Then he says that he’s not waiting on corporate due to the numerous different conflicting weather reports. He doesn’t want anyone to be stuck on the road because they waited too late to send people home. I mean they are all the way in Arizona and he’s here so he has a better understanding. Okay, whatever. but he says you guys can go home at 930am. Umm it’s like 845am already. So I’m a little peeved. I mean I’ve gone through all this to get here for just an hour? uggh. Oh wait, I didn’t mention the in-between time and stuff that happened from when I woke up to when I arrived at work.

Okay, so I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Like for real. I typically sleep on one side just because it’s comfortable.  I went to bed one way and woke up a totally different direction. like for real, a totally different direction. I went to bed normally and woke up across the bed. I don’t know how to describe it but I’m sure you understand. On top of that, because of the way I slept I ended up with a crook in my neck. That’s still there. so like I said earlier, my alarm goes off, I turn it off instead of hitting snooze so I wake up later than expected. like 30 minutes after I had scheduled myself to be at work, type later. Anyway since I’m already late might as well do some deep grooming and relax right? I mean I’m already late. So I decide to hop in the shower and steam for a while afterwards as well as shave my head. My head didn’t really need to be shaved but hey, might as well since I have the extra time, right? Wrong. I end up cutting my head on the second and very very very unnecessary, passthrough. Now I have this gash on the front right side of my head. Uggh. Insert heavy sigh and eye roll. Whatever. so I come out of the bathroom and stub my toe on the door of the bathroom! I’m hopping around in pain and as soon as the pain subsides and I’m able to put my foot down I take a step and you guessed it, stub the same toe on the end of the bed! At this point I’m ready to just call it a morning and crawl back in bed. Nah, I gotta soldier on and make the most of it. I’m already awake, have my clothes out and all.

I finally get dressed, grab my bag and I’m ready to go. only thing is, I grab the wrong bag. See I have this thing with sneakers and bags. I have a lot of both. I know I know. I don’t need all the bags or shoes but I got them anyway. Fight me. Anyway, I picked up my gym bag instead of my work bag. I use a backpack for the gym not a dufflebag. Not a fan of duffles. I didn’t find this out until it was pretty much too late to go back and get the correct bag. In retrospect this kind of worked out since I was only in the office for a freaking hour!

So back to work. I leave after being there for an hour and since I already have my bag, I decide to go to the gym. Tuh! They are closed! why? I don’t know but they were. So I head home to take a nap. Can’t sleep. Insomnia has been an issue these past few days, weeks, months or even years (shout out to Friends). One bright side is that when I arrived home I had a package waiting for me. y’all know I love me some packages. It was my MacBook Air. I finally converted to the dark side after I went through like 2 laptops last year. Not again. I’m actually typing on it now.  I did throw a bit of a tantrum when I first got it. There is a bit of a learning curve coming from PC to Mac. Nothing I can’t handle but not what I wanted to deal with on this very bad day. I just think I need a do over. going back to bed *tosses laptop to other side of bed and pulls covers over my head*. Good night.