I Ran Away

I ran away from home. Home being adulthood. Yep, I packed my little bag of toys and walked to the backyard and climbed up to my treehouse (sorta) and sat. Adulting just became too much for me. Between transitioning jobs to family life to my own mental issues, I just felt like I needed a break from it all. So I took it. Now I’m back. Sorta…

Everyone can’t do that. They can’t just pick up and leave just like that (Jay-Z line). They have family and other obligations that would prevent them from doing like me and taking my ball and going home. Shit is therapeutic as hell though. If you can I urge each and every one of you to stop what you’re doing and plan a getaway. It doesn’t even have to be far or even out of your house. Just schedule some alone time to get yourself together. You can’t pour into others if you’re empty. Refill that vessel.

I needed to take a trip so I did. I am in-between jobs right now. Now really unemployed but I resigned from my old job and I’m waiting for my new job to start. It’s just taking a little longer than I planned to get things together. This is to be expected since the job is overseas and there are a number of hoops to jump through. Ya know, dot the I’s and cross the T’s. It’s a government contract so we have to make sure everything is everything.

Anyway, I decided to take two trips. One to see my sister, brother (in-law) and nieces. The other is to see #Bae. Yep. No longer #prebae but she’s graduated to #Bae! I have to fly out of DC anyway so might as well stop by, right?

I think this really has been the break that I needed. I was able to just relax and detox my mind (and body). Oddly, I’m ready to get to work though. It may be the new challenge, being tired of sitting in the house watching trash daytime tv or both.  Not ready to leave #Bae but I’m ready to get this money!  Sallie Mae doesn’t care too much about my need for a vacation. She needs that bag so I gotta get it since the getting ain’t gonna get itself (Katt Williams voice).  Stay tuned…

 

Stop Giving Power To The Powerless

I am a victim of this. I often give attention or power to those that should not hold my attention or any type of power over my life. I am essentially letting them run my life when they have no clue as to how to run their own. This has to stop.

I always end up caring more about someone else than they care about me. That’s how I end up hurt. I love hard and fast. Then when I get rejected or let down I still stay or stick around. It’s like I’m glutton for punishment. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… Yeah it’s more like fool me a million times and I’m still like ‘ hey, wyd? Thinking about you…’ Just a character flaw that I’ve always had. I’m too nice. I guess… Or I can’t let go. One or the other or maybe a bit of both. *Kanye shrug*

When I relinquish my power to people or things that have no business with it that’s when things go wrong. Like handing over an 18 wheeler to a nine year old that has never even sat in the front seat of a prius before. You’re bound to crash and destroy something or someone.

I also tend to relive the past. I’ll go back and text or call people that I know good and well I have no business being in contact with. They are my exes or former friends for a reason. Duh! I will get nostalgic when I see something that we both laughed at on tv or while out or the dreaded Facebook memories will remind me of them. Uggh. I then feel like I should reach out just to see how they are doing as well as to test to see if I’m truly over them and the situation that led to our break-up. Most of the time I’m not. I’ll end up hurt or upset once again because they’ve seemed to have moved on from it while I’m still frozen in time. Thus starting the cycle all over again.

Gotta stop giving power to the powerless. Now they have the power when I thought I took it back. Sigh… Geez I need to get out of my own way!

Karma

I believe in karma. She’s one of my best friends. I wholeheartedly feel that what you put out will come back to you. Just like a boomerang. While you may not reap the seeds that have been sown right away, it will eventually bloom.

Good energy or juju is just as powerful as bad energy or juju. Be careful of what you put in the atmosphere. Only give what you are willing to receive.

The More You Know

For more than 250,000 African Americans in Galveston, Texas, June 19, 1865 was a day of jubilation, as it signaled the final day of their enslavement. Two and a half years after the Emancipation Proclamation took effect on January 1, 1863, Texas had yet to officially recognize the President’s executive order. Not until Union General Gordon Granger arrived in Galveston, TX with 2,000 soldiers on June 19, 1865 did African Americans learn about their emancipation. To the people of Galveston, Granger read General Order No. 3:
“The people of Texas are informed that in accordance with a Proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and free laborer. The freedmen are advised to remain quietly at their present homes and work for wages. They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts and that they will not be supported in idleness either there or elsewhere.”
Today, 45 of the 50 US states and the District of Columbia recognize June 19th—more commonly known as Juneteenth, as a state or ceremonial holiday. And across the nation, African Americans celebrate Juneteenth to commemorate the freedom that their enslaved ancestors fought for and finally realized.

Check On Your People…

Mental health wellness and awareness is so important. In the black community people tend to either ignore the signs or look down on someone that is having suicidal thoughts or mental issues. This causes them to not want to open up about it out of fear of being ostricized. This needs to change. #SilenceTheShame

In the past I have had suicidal thoughts but was blessed to have people to turn to for help. Everyone isn’t as lucky. If you feel like you can’t talk to your friends or family you can always contact 1-800-273-talk.

Please check on your people. Take notice of the signs of change in their behavior and reach out. A simple text of “hey, just checking in on you to see if you’re okay.” Goes a long way. Trust me. You tmental health matters.

Happy Mother’s Day

First, I have to say happy Mother’s day to All the Moms out there. Love and respect. Today is one of the 3 days every year that is really tough on me. I lost my mom at a young age and never really got over it. I don’t think you can ever ‘get over’ a loss though. I guess a better what to put it is that I haven’t been the same since.

I don’t know how to explain how I feel but I’ve been told that it’s good to write it out as a way to cope. So here I am. Writing out how I feel.

I miss my mother on most days. Especially certain days like Mother’s day, her birthday and the day she passed. These are those three days I mentioned earlier. I miss the good times. Yes, we had our fair share of bad times but the good outweighted the bad.

Social media makes it worse. I open up Instagram and all I see are these beautiful pictures of my Friends and their moms out and about or my Friends and their kids just enjoying life. How can I be mad at such a beautiful sight? I mean these pictures are lovely and they all put a smile on my face. Then the depressive thoughts creep in. Like, I wish my mom could be here now, or they are so lucky to have their mom around… I have to shake off these thoughts so I tend to do things to keep me busy and motivated.

As soon as people find out that my mother passed they have all types of solutions on how to deal with it. The fact is that everyone deals with grief and loss in different ways. Me? I just fold it up into a nice little square and stick in deep down into the bottom of my bag. This bag is getting a little full and eventually I’ll have to deal with it. Just not right now. Right now I just want to make it through the day without breaking down or undoing all the work I’ve done the past month to bring my mental state back to a reasonable state.

Anyway, happy Mother’s day to all the mothers. I’m off to do some yoga in the park and find something to eat.

Wake Up! I went to See School Daze

So I did another thing. This time I went to see the 30th anniversary screening of School Daze at the fox theater tonight and met none other than my dad (in my head) Mr. Spike Lee! Yep. That happened.

It was such a great event! The first thing he said before the movie started was that if you’ve never seen the film before than you were “shit out of luck” and he wanted us singing along with the wannabes and jiggaboos, reciting the dialogue and dancing to “The Butt”!! So when my dad tells me to do something, I do it!

It was great being out and trying to be amongst other people without feeling weird about it. I was able to secure an aisle seat that gave me optimal viewing but still if I needed to dash out I could. I didn’t. I stayed for the entire thing and got to me the man, the myth, the legend that is Spike Lee.

I would say I’m on a roll with this “stepping up and stepping out” thing. What will be my next adventure? Hmm…

Oh, and by the way; It takes a real man to be a Gamma man ’cause only a Gamma man is a real man. G Phi G!

Networking & Stuff…

So I decided to take that leap and head out to this networking event for other black bloggers/podcasters and the like. I was hella nervous because I was going alone and would be in a room full of strangers. Anxiety levels through.the.roof! Y’all know I talk myself out of doing anything that is remotely outside of my comfort zone but I went anyway. I gotta get out of my own way.

Y’all… I’m so glad I went! I had a chance to meet some great people and well ya know, network. I arrived like an hour late due to some other foolishness. Sometimes Netflix can be the devil. Anyway. When I first arrived and came up the stairs of the place I saw all these beautiful black people talking to each other and stuff. I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach they were big ass bald eagles flying around in there! I wanted to turn around and go back downstairs, out the door that I came in and head home but I couldn’t. See, I promised myself that I would step out more, I’m already here and if I left what story would I have to tell you? Nah. I’ll just stick it out.

After some initial awkward moments , I’m such a male version of Issa, I was able to get into the flow and met some really cool people and potential collaborators. I’m looking forward to the next Meetup and Working with the people I met this time.

This is my first major ‘stepping out’ event of the year. I was supposed to go last month but had another engagement. This actually gave me a little boost of confidence that I can actually do a meet and greet and not die.

My Calendar Of Events

So in my attempt to get out more I have a few events planned. I have a networking event for other black bloggers scheduled for 2/17 and I also bought tickets to see the screening of School Daze on 2/19 at the Fox Theatre. Yeah Spike Lee is a role model to me (and my play dad in my head since we also look remarkably alike) and I’ve seen everything he’s done. I hope he will be at the screening but I’m going nonetheless.

Then there’s Black Panther. I’m going to see it three times! yes, you read that correctly. Three times! I’m going opening night Thursday, then back on Saturday and again on Sunday in 3D!. why am I seeing it 3 times? Well first, to Support the movie. the second reason is because the first time I’m going to see it with ‘my people’ and I already know it’s gonna be loud and crazy and I won’t hear a damn thing. So Thursday is just for show and numbers. The second time I see it Saturday with be in a ‘less urban’ area out in the suburbs where I live. This time I can actually focus on the movie and what is going on. The third is because, well 3D!

So this week is going to be busy! Oh, yeah. I also start my new job tomorrow… Hopefully, I’ll be able to write a quick review about the movie. If not trust me, it was awesome!!