Stop Giving Power To The Powerless

I am a victim of this. I often give attention or power to those that should not hold my attention or any type of power over my life. I am essentially letting them run my life when they have no clue as to how to run their own. This has to stop.

I always end up caring more about someone else than they care about me. That’s how I end up hurt. I love hard and fast. Then when I get rejected or let down I still stay or stick around. It’s like I’m glutton for punishment. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… Yeah it’s more like fool me a million times and I’m still like ‘ hey, wyd? Thinking about you…’ Just a character flaw that I’ve always had. I’m too nice. I guess… Or I can’t let go. One or the other or maybe a bit of both. *Kanye shrug*

When I relinquish my power to people or things that have no business with it that’s when things go wrong. Like handing over an 18 wheeler to a nine year old that has never even sat in the front seat of a prius before. You’re bound to crash and destroy something or someone.

I also tend to relive the past. I’ll go back and text or call people that I know good and well I have no business being in contact with. They are my exes or former friends for a reason. Duh! I will get nostalgic when I see something that we both laughed at on tv or while out or the dreaded Facebook memories will remind me of them. Uggh. I then feel like I should reach out just to see how they are doing as well as to test to see if I’m truly over them and the situation that led to our break-up. Most of the time I’m not. I’ll end up hurt or upset once again because they’ve seemed to have moved on from it while I’m still frozen in time. Thus starting the cycle all over again.

Gotta stop giving power to the powerless. Now they have the power when I thought I took it back. Sigh… Geez I need to get out of my own way!

Karma

I believe in karma. She’s one of my best friends. I wholeheartedly feel that what you put out will come back to you. Just like a boomerang. While you may not reap the seeds that have been sown right away, it will eventually bloom.

Good energy or juju is just as powerful as bad energy or juju. Be careful of what you put in the atmosphere. Only give what you are willing to receive.

Be Your Best

You’ll always win when you give it your all and do your best. Don’t be so concerned with trophies and awards to display your excellence. Self acknowledgement is a much greater reward.

Push yourself in every situation to be better than the last time. You are better than you think you are.

You got this! Just go out there and make the best of your today’s the worst of your tomorrows.

Choose Happy

Happiness is not something that comes naturally or just happens. At least not for me. I have to make a conscious effort to make happiness a part of my daily life. Being happy is a choice just like being angry, upset, or sad is a choice. You have to choose happy over choosing to be angry, upset or sad.

I have to sometimes will or force myself into a state of happiness. It just doesn’t come as naturally to me as it does to others. When I find myself not choosing happiness I try and find at least 3 things that make me happy or put me in a state of euphoria and focus on them until I’m able to freely choose to be happy. The key is in the choice. If you have to choose, always choose happy and pursue it like your life depends on it.

When You Believe…

sem·i·co·lon

ˈsemēˌkōlən,ˈsemīˌkōlən/

noun

a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.

Every tattoo on my body has some personal meaning to it. This is a marking that, unless I have it covered, I will bear for the rest of my life as a message to the world as to what I am about or was going through at the time. This is my newest addition.

As an mental health advocate and survivor of suicidal thoughts and depression I chose the word believe with a semicolon replacing the letter ‘i’.

This tattoo encourages me to bel;eve that things will be better and that this is not the end of my journey.

It’s one thing to just say aloud or to myself that even though times are hard that they will be better and things will be okay. It’s a total difference when you actually bel;eve that things will be better or different.

The bel;ef in a better way is what makes it happen. When you truly bel;eve that you will be okay, you will be. You have to bel;eve.

When You Can’t Speak

One of the effects of depression is that it can mute your ability to speak or reach out for help verbally.

Did you know that you can chat with a mental health professional instead?
suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat can assist you when you can’t or don’t want to speak to someone.

You can also message them via Twitter or Instagram at the handle @800273talk

Difficult Takes A Day Impossible Takes A Week

It’s the simple things in life that are often the hardest to master. Seems crazy, right? I mean the simplest things should be well… Simple. I mean, it hard things are considered to be hard because they are difficult or take some time, thought and energy to complete. While on the other hand, something is considered to be simple because it is easy or doesn’t take too much thought, time or energy to complete. Simple reasoning and logic right? Wrong. You see, people are wired differently. You may see something and interpret it one way and yet I can see the very same thing at the very same time and get a totally different perspective on it or the situation. This is what makes us unique and different.

What I’m getting at is that social media and other factors have somewhat taken away that free-thinking, different perspective having mentality that we once had. Now I can’t blame this all on social media. This has been happening way before the digital age. I believe it’s referred to as the mob mentality? Don’t quote me on that. Actually, hold on, let me google it right quick. Mobbbbbb Mennnn taaaaa llittty…. yep, its the mob mentality. According to Wikipedia; herd mentality and mob mentality, also lesser known as gang mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a largely emotional, rather than rational, basis. Remember the Salem witch trials? Mob mentality. Let’s take it all the way back. Remember Jesus and nem? Mob mentality.

It’s especially easier to whip up a frenzy en masse with this generation. Because of the internet and its ability to literally reach people worldwide, what you say does have power. For example, right now there is someone in Sweden or Japan or the Netherlands or Turkey or Cleveland or wherever you are right now that is listening to me as I drivel on and on about whatever it is that I’m talking about right now. My words have power. And so do yours. Use them wisely. Like my Man Uncle Ben told Peter Parker; with great power comes great responsibility. Coincidently Jesus told a certain Peter this same thing…Look it up. Luke chapter 12 verses 41 through 48. 48 in particular.

But anyway, back to the simple things. The simple thing for me that seems to be the hardest for me to do is meet new people. It is like so nerve racking for me to go to a complete stranger and be all like “hey, how are you? I’m Will. What’s your name? Do you want to be my friend?” Sounds and feels weird as hell. It’s crazy because I’m a grown ass man that can’t is afraid to simply say ‘hi’ to someone in the elevator. Shit’s scary, B.

All of these crazy scenarios play in my head like what if I sound like a wacko? Or what if they ignore me, then I’ll be stuck here staring awkwardly off into space trying not to make eye contact as this elevator slowly creeps it’s way to the 22nd floor. Or what if, God forbid, she’s a chatty Kathy and *gasp* by me saying hello I’ve just opened the floodgates and now she’ll talk me to death? Just stay quiet… So that’s what I do. Keep quiet and try not to make eye contact by playing with my phone, counting the ceiling or floor tiles. Anything.

Then I get off the elevator and more scenarios run through my head like “ why didn’t you say something when she smiled at you? What If she wasn’t some wacko chatty Kathy? *gasp* what if she was the one and you squandered your chance? Crap.

The point is that In life we don’t get many do-overs or second chances. You must seize the moment when it comes. That is what I aim to do. Seize the moment and live for the day. I hope this wasn’t too jumbled or discombobulated. I’m just trying to get the thoughts from my head to this page as quickly and seamlessly as possible. Not sure if it’s working or not though…

Yeezy Taught Me

Yesterday, well the past 2 days, I was in a funk. I needed to get out of it and quick. I can’t live like that. I was doing too well and feeling too good to revert back.

I had to shake this feeling so I turned to my favorite activity. Listening to music. Music gets me out of the bad place. Specifically Kanye. For some reason I feel a connection to his music and vibe. I understand him and he understands me.

People talk bad about Kanye and call him crazy but to me he’s just misunderstood. When I feel misunderstood I can listen to some Kanye and know that someone else gets it. If there’s nobody else that gets me, Kanye gets me.

Now that I think about it, I could be in a bad place because I missed my last 2 therapy appointments. The first one was on me and my poor scheduling but the last one was on him… I’ll get back right sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I think I just exerted too much energy this week and last week. Went to see Black Panther on last Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then I went to see my dad (in my head) Spike Lee’s School Daze on Monday. It’s all catching up to me now and I’m crashing. Too much extroverting.

Welcome To Wakanda: My Black Panther Experience

So I decided to take a trip. I grabbed my passport and headed out. Where am I going? Why Wakanda, of course! Yep, I went to visit family on Thursday, Saturday and again on Sunday. It felt so great to connect after all these years. Okay, for those of you that have no clue as to what I’m talking about I went to see the new Marvel movie Black Panther!

Quick heads up. This is not a think piece on the film itself, the Marvel Comic Universe, or any other topics that may have been touched on, like the Africans vs African Americans things etc, that have been touched on by the numerous other talking heads out there. If you want to read that then I implore you to go to our friend google and let her search. I’m sure you’ll find that and then some. I’m not here for alladat! At least not today. I’m just here to give my opinion on the film and stuff.

So as part of my ‘stepping up and stepping out’ this year I went to see the new Marvel movie Black Panther. Who am I kidding and why am I trying BS y’all? I was going to go see this regardless! And numerous times at that! I’ve been a fan of T’Challa ‘nem and have read the comics off and on since I was a kid. I was super excited about the possibility of a full length movie for some years now.

Anyway, I went to see it and was blown away! The acting was superb and well really excellent considering this is a super hero movie. Let’s be real, super hero movies tend to lack ummm… depth in the acting department. It’s mostly about the action with the dialogue typically taking second to push the story along and the acting taking last place. Who cares if they can act if there are explosions and big fight scenes, right? I do, but of course I’m probably in the minority.

Let’s talk about the fight scenes. I love that it was mostly all hand to hand combat. None of that throwing a grenade from a plane and flying off with the explosion happening a million feet behind while I safely drink a glass of something. Nope. This was in your face, I can feel and smell what you had for lunch type combat and I loved it! In 3D it was even better. Of course there were some scenes with guns but the hand to hand combat scenes were some of the best I’ve seen in a really long time. I’m talking the last time I saw some Jackie Chan or Jet Li movie type level here. No exaggeration.

The mix of traditional/cultural reference with modern/current day technology was prevalent throughout the film. I love that aspect. Mixing the old with the new for a nice little mash up. The ceremony to proclaim T’Challa as the new king was a great way of showcasing this mesh.

Now, let’s talk about some of the characters that did the damn thing:

Chadwick Boseman – T’Challa/Black Panther – Represented South Carolina to the fullest! If you aren’t familiar with him than you probably haven’t seen a biographical movie about a prominent black figure in the last few years. He’s played them all! Jackie Robinson to James Brown to Thurgood Marshall and now Black Panther! That boy good *Clarence from Coming to America Voice*

Michael B. Jordan – Erik Stevens/N’Jadaka/Killmonger – Okay so He’ll always be Wallace from The Wire to me. He killed it as well. I actually kind of felt bad for his character because what he was saying and wanting to do as far as liberating and helping African Americans with their fight against their oppressors and getting to a better place in life is commendable but his actions of doing it were wrong. In my opinion. He was a villain that you could root for.

Winston Duke – M’Baku – This man stole every scene he was in, effortlessly! Now every woman is fighting over him in real life.

Danai Gurira – Okoye – Badass!

Lupita Nyong’o – Nakia – I think Lupita is such a great actress and she was the perfect choice for this role.

Letitia Wright – Shuri – Smart, witty, powerful with a touch of that teenage angst. The future of Wakanda.

And of course Forrest Whitaker, Angela Bassett and Sterling K Brown did their thing as well. Taking nothing away from them but this is getting a little long. So much black star power!

Okay, so about the movie. Honestly, it was a typical Marvel superhero movie on the surface. It hit all the Marvel points or moments so that it ties into the franchise and leads you to the next film. Great job on that. What made this different, or at least for me, was that I felt a more personal connection to the characters. Could be that the cast was predominantly black so I saw myself on the screen in a a positive light. Could be that the director was young and black. I don’t know but this movie resinated with me and hit me in a way that no other Marvel movie has done before.

One thing I would like to point out. Sure, we’ve had other black superhero movies before and this isn’t even the first black Marvel superhero (Blade) but what this movie does is that it comes along in a time when we need to see a young black superhero. We need to be able to look on the screen and see something that black kids and even adults can aspire to be. No, I don’t have a flower that can give me the strength of a panther or live in a place with vibranium and all sorts of other technology that is far superior than the rest of the world. What I can do is be a beacon of hope and inspiration like T’Challa was for his people. Show mercy even to those that try to destroy me, aka let my haters be my motivators, and also embrace change.

The dialogue in this movie will hopefully open up discussions in our own communities and families. I know I said I wasn’t going to make this into a think piece but the tension between Africans and African Americans is a real thing. Not in all but enough for it to be brought to the forefront. If you don’t feel it’s that way, you can also see it as tension between the black haves vs the black have nots. I’ll save that rant for another day though. Either way it has to stop. We can’t go forward together if we just keep pushing each other back or apart. Divide and conquer is the game and we are losing badly.

If you haven’t seen Black Panther yet what are you waiting for?