Everything Is Not Always Going To Be Okay, And That’s Okay

Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay. Everyday isn’t going to be peaches and cream or bloomed roses. Sometimes shit happens.

It’s not always about what happens but moreso how you deal with it after it happens. You have no control over certain situations but you do have control over how you react to any situation.

So yeah, miss me with that toxic positivity that everything is going to be okay when that’s not always the case. I get thinking positive and all but sometimes you just have to be real with yourself and say ‘self, this will not be alright. And I’m okay with that’.

Stop Giving Power To The Powerless

I am a victim of this. I often give attention or power to those that should not hold my attention or any type of power over my life. I am essentially letting them run my life when they have no clue as to how to run their own. This has to stop.

I always end up caring more about someone else than they care about me. That’s how I end up hurt. I love hard and fast. Then when I get rejected or let down I still stay or stick around. It’s like I’m glutton for punishment. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… Yeah it’s more like fool me a million times and I’m still like ‘ hey, wyd? Thinking about you…’ Just a character flaw that I’ve always had. I’m too nice. I guess… Or I can’t let go. One or the other or maybe a bit of both. *Kanye shrug*

When I relinquish my power to people or things that have no business with it that’s when things go wrong. Like handing over an 18 wheeler to a nine year old that has never even sat in the front seat of a prius before. You’re bound to crash and destroy something or someone.

I also tend to relive the past. I’ll go back and text or call people that I know good and well I have no business being in contact with. They are my exes or former friends for a reason. Duh! I will get nostalgic when I see something that we both laughed at on tv or while out or the dreaded Facebook memories will remind me of them. Uggh. I then feel like I should reach out just to see how they are doing as well as to test to see if I’m truly over them and the situation that led to our break-up. Most of the time I’m not. I’ll end up hurt or upset once again because they’ve seemed to have moved on from it while I’m still frozen in time. Thus starting the cycle all over again.

Gotta stop giving power to the powerless. Now they have the power when I thought I took it back. Sigh… Geez I need to get out of my own way!

Karma

I believe in karma. She’s one of my best friends. I wholeheartedly feel that what you put out will come back to you. Just like a boomerang. While you may not reap the seeds that have been sown right away, it will eventually bloom.

Good energy or juju is just as powerful as bad energy or juju. Be careful of what you put in the atmosphere. Only give what you are willing to receive.

Be Your Best

You’ll always win when you give it your all and do your best. Don’t be so concerned with trophies and awards to display your excellence. Self acknowledgement is a much greater reward.

Push yourself in every situation to be better than the last time. You are better than you think you are.

You got this! Just go out there and make the best of your today’s the worst of your tomorrows.

Choose Happy

Happiness is not something that comes naturally or just happens. At least not for me. I have to make a conscious effort to make happiness a part of my daily life. Being happy is a choice just like being angry, upset, or sad is a choice. You have to choose happy over choosing to be angry, upset or sad.

I have to sometimes will or force myself into a state of happiness. It just doesn’t come as naturally to me as it does to others. When I find myself not choosing happiness I try and find at least 3 things that make me happy or put me in a state of euphoria and focus on them until I’m able to freely choose to be happy. The key is in the choice. If you have to choose, always choose happy and pursue it like your life depends on it.

When You Believe…

sem·i·co·lon

ˈsemēˌkōlən,ˈsemīˌkōlən/

noun

a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.

Every tattoo on my body has some personal meaning to it. This is a marking that, unless I have it covered, I will bear for the rest of my life as a message to the world as to what I am about or was going through at the time. This is my newest addition.

As an mental health advocate and survivor of suicidal thoughts and depression I chose the word believe with a semicolon replacing the letter ‘i’.

This tattoo encourages me to bel;eve that things will be better and that this is not the end of my journey.

It’s one thing to just say aloud or to myself that even though times are hard that they will be better and things will be okay. It’s a total difference when you actually bel;eve that things will be better or different.

The bel;ef in a better way is what makes it happen. When you truly bel;eve that you will be okay, you will be. You have to bel;eve.

When You Can’t Speak

One of the effects of depression is that it can mute your ability to speak or reach out for help verbally.

Did you know that you can chat with a mental health professional instead?
suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat can assist you when you can’t or don’t want to speak to someone.

You can also message them via Twitter or Instagram at the handle @800273talk

Difficult Takes A Day Impossible Takes A Week

It’s the simple things in life that are often the hardest to master. Seems crazy, right? I mean the simplest things should be well… Simple. I mean, it hard things are considered to be hard because they are difficult or take some time, thought and energy to complete. While on the other hand, something is considered to be simple because it is easy or doesn’t take too much thought, time or energy to complete. Simple reasoning and logic right? Wrong. You see, people are wired differently. You may see something and interpret it one way and yet I can see the very same thing at the very same time and get a totally different perspective on it or the situation. This is what makes us unique and different.

What I’m getting at is that social media and other factors have somewhat taken away that free-thinking, different perspective having mentality that we once had. Now I can’t blame this all on social media. This has been happening way before the digital age. I believe it’s referred to as the mob mentality? Don’t quote me on that. Actually, hold on, let me google it right quick. Mobbbbbb Mennnn taaaaa llittty…. yep, its the mob mentality. According to Wikipedia; herd mentality and mob mentality, also lesser known as gang mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a largely emotional, rather than rational, basis. Remember the Salem witch trials? Mob mentality. Let’s take it all the way back. Remember Jesus and nem? Mob mentality.

It’s especially easier to whip up a frenzy en masse with this generation. Because of the internet and its ability to literally reach people worldwide, what you say does have power. For example, right now there is someone in Sweden or Japan or the Netherlands or Turkey or Cleveland or wherever you are right now that is listening to me as I drivel on and on about whatever it is that I’m talking about right now. My words have power. And so do yours. Use them wisely. Like my Man Uncle Ben told Peter Parker; with great power comes great responsibility. Coincidently Jesus told a certain Peter this same thing…Look it up. Luke chapter 12 verses 41 through 48. 48 in particular.

But anyway, back to the simple things. The simple thing for me that seems to be the hardest for me to do is meet new people. It is like so nerve racking for me to go to a complete stranger and be all like “hey, how are you? I’m Will. What’s your name? Do you want to be my friend?” Sounds and feels weird as hell. It’s crazy because I’m a grown ass man that can’t is afraid to simply say ‘hi’ to someone in the elevator. Shit’s scary, B.

All of these crazy scenarios play in my head like what if I sound like a wacko? Or what if they ignore me, then I’ll be stuck here staring awkwardly off into space trying not to make eye contact as this elevator slowly creeps it’s way to the 22nd floor. Or what if, God forbid, she’s a chatty Kathy and *gasp* by me saying hello I’ve just opened the floodgates and now she’ll talk me to death? Just stay quiet… So that’s what I do. Keep quiet and try not to make eye contact by playing with my phone, counting the ceiling or floor tiles. Anything.

Then I get off the elevator and more scenarios run through my head like “ why didn’t you say something when she smiled at you? What If she wasn’t some wacko chatty Kathy? *gasp* what if she was the one and you squandered your chance? Crap.

The point is that In life we don’t get many do-overs or second chances. You must seize the moment when it comes. That is what I aim to do. Seize the moment and live for the day. I hope this wasn’t too jumbled or discombobulated. I’m just trying to get the thoughts from my head to this page as quickly and seamlessly as possible. Not sure if it’s working or not though…

Yeezy Taught Me

Yesterday, well the past 2 days, I was in a funk. I needed to get out of it and quick. I can’t live like that. I was doing too well and feeling too good to revert back.

I had to shake this feeling so I turned to my favorite activity. Listening to music. Music gets me out of the bad place. Specifically Kanye. For some reason I feel a connection to his music and vibe. I understand him and he understands me.

People talk bad about Kanye and call him crazy but to me he’s just misunderstood. When I feel misunderstood I can listen to some Kanye and know that someone else gets it. If there’s nobody else that gets me, Kanye gets me.

Now that I think about it, I could be in a bad place because I missed my last 2 therapy appointments. The first one was on me and my poor scheduling but the last one was on him… I’ll get back right sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I think I just exerted too much energy this week and last week. Went to see Black Panther on last Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then I went to see my dad (in my head) Spike Lee’s School Daze on Monday. It’s all catching up to me now and I’m crashing. Too much extroverting.