Stop Giving Power To The Powerless

I am a victim of this. I often give attention or power to those that should not hold my attention or any type of power over my life. I am essentially letting them run my life when they have no clue as to how to run their own. This has to stop.

I always end up caring more about someone else than they care about me. That’s how I end up hurt. I love hard and fast. Then when I get rejected or let down I still stay or stick around. It’s like I’m glutton for punishment. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… Yeah it’s more like fool me a million times and I’m still like ‘ hey, wyd? Thinking about you…’ Just a character flaw that I’ve always had. I’m too nice. I guess… Or I can’t let go. One or the other or maybe a bit of both. *Kanye shrug*

When I relinquish my power to people or things that have no business with it that’s when things go wrong. Like handing over an 18 wheeler to a nine year old that has never even sat in the front seat of a prius before. You’re bound to crash and destroy something or someone.

I also tend to relive the past. I’ll go back and text or call people that I know good and well I have no business being in contact with. They are my exes or former friends for a reason. Duh! I will get nostalgic when I see something that we both laughed at on tv or while out or the dreaded Facebook memories will remind me of them. Uggh. I then feel like I should reach out just to see how they are doing as well as to test to see if I’m truly over them and the situation that led to our break-up. Most of the time I’m not. I’ll end up hurt or upset once again because they’ve seemed to have moved on from it while I’m still frozen in time. Thus starting the cycle all over again.

Gotta stop giving power to the powerless. Now they have the power when I thought I took it back. Sigh… Geez I need to get out of my own way!

Yeezy Taught Me

Yesterday, well the past 2 days, I was in a funk. I needed to get out of it and quick. I can’t live like that. I was doing too well and feeling too good to revert back.

I had to shake this feeling so I turned to my favorite activity. Listening to music. Music gets me out of the bad place. Specifically Kanye. For some reason I feel a connection to his music and vibe. I understand him and he understands me.

People talk bad about Kanye and call him crazy but to me he’s just misunderstood. When I feel misunderstood I can listen to some Kanye and know that someone else gets it. If there’s nobody else that gets me, Kanye gets me.

Now that I think about it, I could be in a bad place because I missed my last 2 therapy appointments. The first one was on me and my poor scheduling but the last one was on him… I’ll get back right sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I think I just exerted too much energy this week and last week. Went to see Black Panther on last Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then I went to see my dad (in my head) Spike Lee’s School Daze on Monday. It’s all catching up to me now and I’m crashing. Too much extroverting.