I Ran Away

I ran away from home. Home being adulthood. Yep, I packed my little bag of toys and walked to the backyard and climbed up to my treehouse (sorta) and sat. Adulting just became too much for me. Between transitioning jobs to family life to my own mental issues, I just felt like I needed a break from it all. So I took it. Now I’m back. Sorta…

Everyone can’t do that. They can’t just pick up and leave just like that (Jay-Z line). They have family and other obligations that would prevent them from doing like me and taking my ball and going home. Shit is therapeutic as hell though. If you can I urge each and every one of you to stop what you’re doing and plan a getaway. It doesn’t even have to be far or even out of your house. Just schedule some alone time to get yourself together. You can’t pour into others if you’re empty. Refill that vessel.

I needed to take a trip so I did. I am in-between jobs right now. Now really unemployed but I resigned from my old job and I’m waiting for my new job to start. It’s just taking a little longer than I planned to get things together. This is to be expected since the job is overseas and there are a number of hoops to jump through. Ya know, dot the I’s and cross the T’s. It’s a government contract so we have to make sure everything is everything.

Anyway, I decided to take two trips. One to see my sister, brother (in-law) and nieces. The other is to see #Bae. Yep. No longer #prebae but she’s graduated to #Bae! I have to fly out of DC anyway so might as well stop by, right?

I think this really has been the break that I needed. I was able to just relax and detox my mind (and body). Oddly, I’m ready to get to work though. It may be the new challenge, being tired of sitting in the house watching trash daytime tv or both.  Not ready to leave #Bae but I’m ready to get this money!  Sallie Mae doesn’t care too much about my need for a vacation. She needs that bag so I gotta get it since the getting ain’t gonna get itself (Katt Williams voice).  Stay tuned…

 

Stop Giving Power To The Powerless

I am a victim of this. I often give attention or power to those that should not hold my attention or any type of power over my life. I am essentially letting them run my life when they have no clue as to how to run their own. This has to stop.

I always end up caring more about someone else than they care about me. That’s how I end up hurt. I love hard and fast. Then when I get rejected or let down I still stay or stick around. It’s like I’m glutton for punishment. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… Yeah it’s more like fool me a million times and I’m still like ‘ hey, wyd? Thinking about you…’ Just a character flaw that I’ve always had. I’m too nice. I guess… Or I can’t let go. One or the other or maybe a bit of both. *Kanye shrug*

When I relinquish my power to people or things that have no business with it that’s when things go wrong. Like handing over an 18 wheeler to a nine year old that has never even sat in the front seat of a prius before. You’re bound to crash and destroy something or someone.

I also tend to relive the past. I’ll go back and text or call people that I know good and well I have no business being in contact with. They are my exes or former friends for a reason. Duh! I will get nostalgic when I see something that we both laughed at on tv or while out or the dreaded Facebook memories will remind me of them. Uggh. I then feel like I should reach out just to see how they are doing as well as to test to see if I’m truly over them and the situation that led to our break-up. Most of the time I’m not. I’ll end up hurt or upset once again because they’ve seemed to have moved on from it while I’m still frozen in time. Thus starting the cycle all over again.

Gotta stop giving power to the powerless. Now they have the power when I thought I took it back. Sigh… Geez I need to get out of my own way!

Karma

I believe in karma. She’s one of my best friends. I wholeheartedly feel that what you put out will come back to you. Just like a boomerang. While you may not reap the seeds that have been sown right away, it will eventually bloom.

Good energy or juju is just as powerful as bad energy or juju. Be careful of what you put in the atmosphere. Only give what you are willing to receive.

Be Your Best

You’ll always win when you give it your all and do your best. Don’t be so concerned with trophies and awards to display your excellence. Self acknowledgement is a much greater reward.

Push yourself in every situation to be better than the last time. You are better than you think you are.

You got this! Just go out there and make the best of your today’s the worst of your tomorrows.

When You Believe…

sem·i·co·lon

ˈsemēˌkōlən,ˈsemīˌkōlən/

noun

a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.

Every tattoo on my body has some personal meaning to it. This is a marking that, unless I have it covered, I will bear for the rest of my life as a message to the world as to what I am about or was going through at the time. This is my newest addition.

As an mental health advocate and survivor of suicidal thoughts and depression I chose the word believe with a semicolon replacing the letter ‘i’.

This tattoo encourages me to bel;eve that things will be better and that this is not the end of my journey.

It’s one thing to just say aloud or to myself that even though times are hard that they will be better and things will be okay. It’s a total difference when you actually bel;eve that things will be better or different.

The bel;ef in a better way is what makes it happen. When you truly bel;eve that you will be okay, you will be. You have to bel;eve.

When You Can’t Speak

One of the effects of depression is that it can mute your ability to speak or reach out for help verbally.

Did you know that you can chat with a mental health professional instead?
suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat can assist you when you can’t or don’t want to speak to someone.

You can also message them via Twitter or Instagram at the handle @800273talk

Check On Your People…

Mental health wellness and awareness is so important. In the black community people tend to either ignore the signs or look down on someone that is having suicidal thoughts or mental issues. This causes them to not want to open up about it out of fear of being ostricized. This needs to change. #SilenceTheShame

In the past I have had suicidal thoughts but was blessed to have people to turn to for help. Everyone isn’t as lucky. If you feel like you can’t talk to your friends or family you can always contact 1-800-273-talk.

Please check on your people. Take notice of the signs of change in their behavior and reach out. A simple text of “hey, just checking in on you to see if you’re okay.” Goes a long way. Trust me. You tmental health matters.

Hey…

Yep, I’m still here. I’ve been gone for awhile dealing with this craziness called life.

I let life get the best of me and found myself in a bad place. I needed to step back and reassess some things. Thankfully my tribe and framily recognized the change in me and quickly contacted me and basically said, in the most lovingly way that they can, get your shit together because we care about and love ya!

So I’m getting my shit together. Y’all already know about me seeing my therapist for anxiety but it just wasn’t enough. Depression crept in and started messing with things. Moving around emotions and putting stuff in places that they don’t belong like they live here. Nah, depression. That ain’t how this works. You can’t just come up in my space and change stuff without asking first. Nah, bruh. Go on somewhere with all that.

I’m trying something new and hopefully this will work. I should see results in 6-8 weeks… We’ll see. In the meantime in-between time. I’m meditating send back to exercising oh and writing.

So just a quick update; I’m back, on some new meds for depression and trying to live my life to the fullest.

Okay, bye.