I am a victim of this. I often give attention or power to those that should not hold my attention or any type of power over my life. I am essentially letting them run my life when they have no clue as to how to run their own. This has to stop.
I always end up caring more about someone else than they care about me. That’s how I end up hurt. I love hard and fast. Then when I get rejected or let down I still stay or stick around. It’s like I’m glutton for punishment. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… Yeah it’s more like fool me a million times and I’m still like ‘ hey, wyd? Thinking about you…’ Just a character flaw that I’ve always had. I’m too nice. I guess… Or I can’t let go. One or the other or maybe a bit of both. *Kanye shrug*
When I relinquish my power to people or things that have no business with it that’s when things go wrong. Like handing over an 18 wheeler to a nine year old that has never even sat in the front seat of a prius before. You’re bound to crash and destroy something or someone.
I also tend to relive the past. I’ll go back and text or call people that I know good and well I have no business being in contact with. They are my exes or former friends for a reason. Duh! I will get nostalgic when I see something that we both laughed at on tv or while out or the dreaded Facebook memories will remind me of them. Uggh. I then feel like I should reach out just to see how they are doing as well as to test to see if I’m truly over them and the situation that led to our break-up. Most of the time I’m not. I’ll end up hurt or upset once again because they’ve seemed to have moved on from it while I’m still frozen in time. Thus starting the cycle all over again.
Gotta stop giving power to the powerless. Now they have the power when I thought I took it back. Sigh… Geez I need to get out of my own way!
“Don’t go with the flow; be the flow.” – Jay-Z
Forge your own path to greatness. While at times this road may be dark and lonely, just keep going. The light you’re shining is guiding someone else that you don’t even know exists.
I believe in karma. She’s one of my best friends. I wholeheartedly feel that what you put out will come back to you. Just like a boomerang. While you may not reap the seeds that have been sown right away, it will eventually bloom.
Good energy or juju is just as powerful as bad energy or juju. Be careful of what you put in the atmosphere. Only give what you are willing to receive.
You’ll always win when you give it your all and do your best. Don’t be so concerned with trophies and awards to display your excellence. Self acknowledgement is a much greater reward.
Push yourself in every situation to be better than the last time. You are better than you think you are.
You got this! Just go out there and make the best of your today’s the worst of your tomorrows.
One of the effects of depression is that it can mute your ability to speak or reach out for help verbally.
Did you know that you can chat with a mental health professional instead?
suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat can assist you when you can’t or don’t want to speak to someone.
You can also message them via Twitter or Instagram at the handle @800273talk
Okay so this year I put in a mighty effort to fast from food this Ramadan. I tried. I really did. My body just wasn’t as strong as I thought it would be. I didn’t prepare well enough, I guess. I lasted for 16 out of the 31 days so that’s sort of a win. I think this is the longest I’ve gone so far before having to break. I normally cheat though and drink water or tea, but I tried to go without during fasting times for a few days towards the end before the break and it was too much for me. I became dizzy, I was having headaches and just not feeling great. And my blood sugar levels were way out of control. Ya see, I technically get a pass from abstaining from food because I’m a type 1 diabetic and need to eat. I can always fast in others ways. Fasting is just abstaining from something during those specified hours. It doesn’t have to be food. While many use food it can be anything. Similar to Lent.
So for the rest of Ramadan I’ll be abstaining from social media and the like. No Instagram posting, Facebook liking, though I’m rarely on Facebook noawadays anyway. I will only use social media to post my podcast links. Dassit.
I’m gone until June 15th after this. See ya soon!
Yep, I’m still here. I’ve been gone for awhile dealing with this craziness called life.
I let life get the best of me and found myself in a bad place. I needed to step back and reassess some things. Thankfully my tribe and framily recognized the change in me and quickly contacted me and basically said, in the most lovingly way that they can, get your shit together because we care about and love ya!
So I’m getting my shit together. Y’all already know about me seeing my therapist for anxiety but it just wasn’t enough. Depression crept in and started messing with things. Moving around emotions and putting stuff in places that they don’t belong like they live here. Nah, depression. That ain’t how this works. You can’t just come up in my space and change stuff without asking first. Nah, bruh. Go on somewhere with all that.
I’m trying something new and hopefully this will work. I should see results in 6-8 weeks… We’ll see. In the meantime in-between time. I’m meditating send back to exercising oh and writing.
So just a quick update; I’m back, on some new meds for depression and trying to live my life to the fullest.
Yesterday, well the past 2 days, I was in a funk. I needed to get out of it and quick. I can’t live like that. I was doing too well and feeling too good to revert back.
I had to shake this feeling so I turned to my favorite activity. Listening to music. Music gets me out of the bad place. Specifically Kanye. For some reason I feel a connection to his music and vibe. I understand him and he understands me.
People talk bad about Kanye and call him crazy but to me he’s just misunderstood. When I feel misunderstood I can listen to some Kanye and know that someone else gets it. If there’s nobody else that gets me, Kanye gets me.
Now that I think about it, I could be in a bad place because I missed my last 2 therapy appointments. The first one was on me and my poor scheduling but the last one was on him… I’ll get back right sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
I think I just exerted too much energy this week and last week. Went to see Black Panther on last Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then I went to see my dad (in my head) Spike Lee’s School Daze on Monday. It’s all catching up to me now and I’m crashing. Too much extroverting.